Do you feel the similar urge to stay off the grid?

Do you feel the similar urge to stay off the grid?

I was going to say something but then I stopped myself. 

I am staying quieter than ever before and nothing seems better than this. During the pandemic, our relationships, connections and work has become dependent upon the internet and the overuse of technology has exhausted me. 

Of course, it has its own benefits of staying in touch via video calls, VNs and DMs but I miss the comforting warm hugs, holding hands, the eye contact and genuine face to face interaction or just sitting quietly with my connections.

I am active on social media but just to share my writings. I have not been replying to DMs for quite sometime coz I have stopped feeling the need to. If I don’t feel a connection with someone, I can’t pull off a ‘How are you? I am fine’ statements. 

I am more of a ‘how are you feeling right now kind of person.’

I apologise to the friends trying to stay in touch possibly via DMs but I say what I want to through my writings. I am doing really good, in fact, never felt this good in the longest time. 

I don’t have space for assholes who stalk my social media just for gossip and news. To such evil, demonic beings, I would just tell you I am still special to you in some way that happenings in my life interest you even when I’m not a part of your world anymore. Peace to you people. 

With my passion and love for teaching, time sails smoothly on a little boat. Thank God for work during these strange times. I just wish to stay off technology more often. 

There has been a longing since the time I stayed in Harsil last year. No phone network made that travel experience one of the most memorable moments of my life. Since then, I decided to gift myself the phone free holidays which is due to happen this year. Work doesn’t allow me to stay off the grid but I hope to do that soon. 

I want to maintain face to face interactions and exchange letters with just a few people like I post these cathartic, honest conversations with the self on the Internet. 

I have never written letters as such but seen my elders exchange during childhood. My Mamma used to exchange letters with her Mom and siblings. 

As my dad fondly remembers writing letters to a pen friend from East Germany between 1979-1980. He used to write letters to his friends all across the country since he met them during his table tennis days as a National level player. Papa tells me about his beautiful friendships; the one most cherished was with Dev Anand, the legendary Indian film personality. 

Inspired by the old world charm and slow life, I procure hand made cards and recycled paper to write little notes and letters whenever I gift something special to my loved ones. 

If not writing to others; I write to myself. These are my few moments I wanted to share with you. I hope you have a beautiful day and find time and energy to give life to your passions.

The musical notes of love have touched the souls

What shall we talk now?

I have no words to tell

The silence is beautiful 

Let’s make love 

The musical notes have touched the bodies 

Let the movements be the language of the limbs

Can you just stay still for a few moments?

The silence is beautiful 

Let’s make love 

Yes, it is hard to lift yourself. It takes insurmountable courage to gather your broken pieces and glue them together. But, you’re not alone in this. 

Look around, we all are constantly living a journey of our own. I’m talking about the inward journey. I hope you give time to yourself listening to your voice which is hidden somewhere like crumpled papers. Open that door to yourself. Your inner self is standing there all alone; waiting for you to hug; waiting to accept you the way you are. 

We all seek validation but I hope you feel better soon and get clarity from your own self. There are questions lurking in your mind, answer them for your own peace. 

The moment when the Sun glows on your skin

The moment when the breeze touches you

The moment when the mountains make you realise 

The moment when everything below the mountain looks beyond beautiful 

When the changing hues of the sky paint your mind blurring everything that you know

When the mountain top gives you space and time to say all that you wanted and may be never ever uttered

But all in silence. 

The raw nature of things I adore

The wild grass 

The gushing roaring river flow

The trees, big or small

Swaying, bending just like our souls.

I sway

I flow 

I feel alive 

Among trees, bushes and leaves 

scattered like truths and lies.

Pronounce me dead if I don’t flow.

I belong everywhere but no one owns.

हम क्यों कतराते हैं अपनी बात कहने से?

क्यों हम झुकते हैं दिल का बयान करने से?

सब कुछ एक जैसा ही तो है हमारे जीवन में

संघर्ष सब करते हैं, रुकावटें भी आते हैं,

प्यार भी होता है, दिल भी टूटता है कोई ज़िंदगी में नया आता है, 

कभी हमेशा के लिए छोड़ जाता है 

मिट्टी के खिलौने जैसी लगती है मुझे ज़िंदगी,

कई बार टूट जाती है पर फिर नए रूप, अलग भेस में अपना किरदार निभाती है 

हर एहसास में एक नशा सा है 

किसी की मुस्कुराहट में, अपना रास्ता चुनने में,

कई बार गिरकर, उठने में। 

Ek kahani dafn thi kahin 

Zinda hai ab bahut kuch keh gai

I saw myself in the mirror

I could see you in my eyes

A smile lifted up my face

But tears rolled down my eyes

Who do you see in the mirror?

Stand up close to find

When the night is dead 

But alert is the subconscious mind

If it’s you caress yourself 

If it’s she/he/they/them

Tell them 

It’s time   

Look at yourself in the mirror 

Don’t run away 

Heal

Give yourself some time

Poetry Reading - Awakened (self- written & published)

As a poet, I enjoy reading my poems to people. That’s how you become a part of my world and I become a part of yours. 

Enjoy listening to this poem about self- love, self - analysis and self - awareness written in 2018 and published in an anthology entitled ‘Unread’ by Platform for Artists in 2019. The anthology was launched in Mumbai by Taapsee Pannu, an Indian actor and entrepreneur. 

Do like, share and comment if you enjoyed this video poetry.

Let me just look at you when you smile.

Let me listen to you while you confide. 

Let me just hug you like it’s the last time. 

Let me say all the things through silence. 

Let me drive you to faraway lands. 

Let me carry your emotional baggage.

Let me hold your hand.

Let me be at your side in moments of despair.

Let me just know when you need me,

I’ll be there.

Covid 19 Times

वो भी दिन थे जब मैं सुबह उठते ही किसी नए शहर की गलियों में छोटा सा कैफे ढूंढती और फिर किसी कोने में जाकर या तो कोई किताब उठाती या फिर टिश्यू पेपर पर अपनी क़लम से कुछ दिल की बातों का बयाँ कर देती।

आजकल समॉं कुछ और ही है, एक महीना होने वाला है मैं हम सबकी तरह घर पर ही हूँ। समय की क़द्र बढ़ रही है और रिश्तों की परीक्षा हो रही है। सुबह का संगीत अब चिड़ियों का चहचहाना है इतना सुकून है सड़कों पर कि शहर में ही नदी के किनारे वाला एहसास है।

फल, सब्ज़ी और राशन की असली क़द्र हो रही है, जब पता चलता है सुपर मार्केट ख़ाली हो रहीं है और जब रवीश कुमार को NDTV पर रात 9 बजे सुनते हैं भुखमरी करोना से ख़तरनाक लगने लगती है।

रोंगटे खड़े होते हैं लोगों का विश्वास टूटते हुए देखकर पर फिर कुछ डॉक्टर नर्स सफाईकर्मी इनके जज़्बे की कहानी सुनकर एक शिक्षक के तौर पर बहुत कुछ सीखने को मिलता है कि जब तक यह जान है अपने कर्म करते जाना है। 

Agar ab nahi to kab 

Intezar mat kar ab

Jo kehna hai wo bol de 

Na dil mein tu rakh ab 

Kal der ho jaegi 

Intezar karte hue 

Wo bhi haar maan jaegi 

Jo dil keh raha hai

Use dil mein hi tu na rakh 

Jo kehna hai wo bol de 

Rok na apne aap ko ab

Chhupaya ja nahi sakta 

Jo aankhon mein hai 

Isliye keh de jo usne padh liya 

Sunna chahti hai wo bas ab

Sach kehna usse sukoon milega 

Jhooth na kehna dil mat behlana ab

Oh man! These smiles, this happiness, the excitement of meeting each other after a prolonged anticipation..These children like many others are fuel to my joy. I learn to retain innocence from them, they tech me to give and share without any expectation. This is the love I receive from teaching and sharing knowledge which was never a dream to follow.

During college days, I never thought I’ll pursue teaching as the professional role of a teacher seemed ‘conservative’ ‘fixed and closed’ to me; thanks to the posters of teachers everywhere wearing a typical sari and a blackboard in the backdrop. 

Living in a small town in India, teaching was the only job I could avail. Today, it has been more than nine years that I’ve been living in the world of love of my students. This is the purest joy, I’ve realised over time; sharing knowledge. 

I’m glad and grateful to have found love in rural and urban India. Especially, I miss my students from Khandwa who gave me reasons to smile everyday even in the most vulnerable and broken times. You all were my strength, thank you. I hope you get to read this message. 

I would also like to thank my students in different countries and my company @verbling for providing an amazing opportunity to be recognised as an online global English trainer for three years now. My constant five star rating and the positive reviews push me forward to do better each time. I wish to reach out to as many students possible through online teaching and workshops in the country. 

Thank you my students, you are the family I have chosen to stick around forever. Like I always tell you, I’m there, always. 

Love and best wishes

Shaista

Layers of paint have removed 

the smoothness of walls

but given the strength to hold 

many a colours 

like memories of lovers 

hidden in the corners of 

heart. 

She was the Sun which sets too

She was also the Moon which disappears for a while

She was strong to uphold the winds

Once, twice but not all the time 

She loved too much 

But that’s not a crime 

Body and soul she put in her art

Her soul was taken away 

or she wanted to escape 

from everything that was

too much